How-To Series · Writing Tips

how to write unemotional characters | the art of subtlety

Saraina Whitney

Let’s be honest. Many of us writers are hopeless romantics with a secret penchant for what some would call drama. We mourn roadkill on the streets and have iron-clad loyalties to our favorite songs just because of the emotional experience we associate with them.

Many of us writers find it hard to imagine people who don’t relate with that.

Enter The Unemotional Character.

A character for whom we have a strange fascination, I might add.

If you don’t relate with the way they process emotions, this can be a hard one to pull off. You may be so zealous in your attempts to write a character opposite from you that they become mechanical robots with no emotions whatsoever.

Either that, or in your urge to write characters you relate with on every level, you turn them into a poor cardboard imitation of yourself.

Today, I’m sharing my best tips for realistically portraying “unemotional” characters.

And you shall discover why I’m putting that term in air quotes. 🤓

the fatal zombie misconception

In your zeal to portray them as the unemotional character they are, please don’t make the fatal mistake of stripping their souls bare of any emotion at all.

EVERY HUMAN HAS EMOTIONS. Okay? Even your hardened combat veteran character has emotions.

They’re not zombies.

They feel things.

Their mental health may be in the ditches, and they may be numb or emotionally unhealthy to the point where they bottle up and repress everything…but those emotions still exist in some deep dark recess of their heart.

Unemotional people cry and fall in love and feel joy.

Hence why I don’t like the term “unemotional.” Or “emotional” for that matter. But for the purposes of this post, those are the terms I’ll be using.

They’re just undemonstrative people who don’t have extravagant emotional rollercoasters on a daily basis and aren’t quickly moved to high highs or the low lows. They may be emotionally stable. They may not.

Are you noticing that there’s a bit of nuance in this? 🤣

how to subtly hint at their emotions

This post applies not only to those cases of generally unemotional characters, but also to those quiet undemonstrative characters who don’t SHOW their deep emotions.

AKA a lot of introverts. 😛 #INFP

Subtlety is one of the most underrated things in storytelling, both on the big screen and on paper.

It’s the fleeting microexpressions that catch you in the heart and speak volumes. The widening of eyes, trying to restrain tears. The bare twitch of a smile, quietly communicating pure bliss. The sinking of shoulders that betrays the deepest of grief.

You don’t have to resort, by default, to dramatic sobbing and punching the wall in anger.

Don’t get me wrong, that ABSOLUTELY has its place and can be perfectly realistic and believable.

Seriously.

But don’t think that just because they just lost their mother in a car accident, there must be a dramatic scene where they cry and scream in the pouring rain.

Forget about what movies have made popular, forget about the expectations readers may have. Just focus on your character, as if they were a flesh-and-blood person. Know them well enough to forget everything else and simply follow their lead. Maybe that means the dramatic sobbing scene. Maybe it doesn’t.

a treasure trove of inspiration

As writers, one of our goals is to be as true to life as possible, even in the fairytales and drama.

And you know what? We all have the capability to accurately portray real life because we live in the real world. Everyone has experienced it. You’ve met countless people in the course of your life and you’ve had relationships with many of them. You know what “unemotional” people are like because you’ve had relationships with some. And you know that they do have emotions.

So draw on your experience and all the knowledge you didn’t realize you had. Which of your family members or friends are undemonstrative and more likely to treat emotions like a math equation? Or even just those friends who do feel deeply, but don’t express said emotions?

How do they react to things?

Pay attention to the little details. Their body language. Their tone of voice. Notice how much you can pick up, and use that in your writing.

And don’t forget another treasure trove of inspiration: YOURSELF. Even if you’re a very expressive individual, no one wears their every thought on a neon sign across their face. Notice the ways that you conceal certain feelings – and exactly how it feels. This will help you to write from deep inside your character’s head, so convincingly that your readers feel like they’re the characters.

your character’s unique viewpoint

If you’re writing in deep POV, fully locked into your character’s viewpoint, you’ll want to pay attention to your writing style. Are you describing things with the kind of unnecessary drama said character would balk at? Allow your character’s voice to shine through the prose.

Make sure their thought process is staying true to who they are, too. “Unemotional” characters aren’t going to blindly accept the realities of strong emotions. They’re going to analyze why they feel the way they do. They’re going to reason out their emotions – in a detached way that their emotion-centric friends won’t.

They may talk about their feelings, but probably won’t do so in an emotive overflow of passion. They’ll lean towards being more business-like, no-nonsense, and possibly even awkward in how they express emotion.

And remember that in dialogue, they’ll tend not to sugarcoat hard truths, instead being more blunt and to-the-point.

male & female

You don’t need to do any scientific research to understand that there are inherent differences between the design of men and women. If you’re struggling to write a character of the opposite gender, all you need to do (I mean, in theory) is go back to the basics: real life. Watch and listen and analyze. And listen some more. Pay attention to tiny details, to thought patterns and behaviors, then pour all that knowledge you’ve gained into the development of your characters.

Always allow room for nuance and complexity and exceptions to the rules.

When it comes to those characters who bend the stereotypes (say, for example, your unemotional character is a girl), make extra sure that your male characters still come across as masculine, and your female characters feel feminine. Don’t make the mistake of confusing unemotional for masculine, or emotional for feminine.

Your female MC tends to focus on logic and reason over feelings and emotions? That doesn’t mean she loses her innate femininity. And just because your male MC wears his heart on his sleeve…that in no way contradicts with his innate masculinity.

Just remember that even if your female and male characters have the same personality, they are still different.

If you want tips on how to write the opposite gender, read this amazing post by Joelle Stone!

Said post actually inspired this one, so she deserves a shout-out!

examples for your studying pleasure

I have two brilliant examples for you! One is Margot from Roseanna M. White’s The Number of Love. In this WWI story of espionage and romance, White masterfully brings to life a heroine who can accurately be described as unemotional. She’s reserved, doesn’t react to tragedy with the openly expressive drama one might expect…and yet still has feelings. Feelings that confuse her. Feelings she tries to solve like a math equation, or piece together like a puzzle. Her bent is to treat emotions with logic.

And Drake teaches her that not everything can be treated that way. 😭 aughhhh the romance is utterly adorable. Please read it if just for that.

The next example is twofold: Wyatt and Grace from Denise Hunter’s Autumn Skies, a contemporary Christian romance. Wyatt is a Secret Service agent who’s running from guilt and trauma from his past. Needless to say, he’s a toughened hero. Grace, the heroine, is also on the more emotionally reserved side, someone who surveys matters of the heart with a no-nonsense, logical outlook. (Very unlike her sister Molly. 😂) Neither are emotionless zombies, but Denise Hunter does a brilliant job of keeping both Wyatt and Grace’s reactions and thought processes congruent with their personalities even in the face of tragedy. I highly recommend it!

It’s possible to write a deeply touching, poignant story about an otherwise “unemotional” character, even for those of us who can’t relate with the way they process emotions. Actually, it can present an exhilarating challenge! Stay balanced, allow room for nuance, and make subtlety your default.

What are your tips for writing characters more on the unemotional side? Have you read The Number of Love or Autumn Skies? How do you go about writing characters whose personalities are the opposite of yours?

40 thoughts on “how to write unemotional characters | the art of subtlety”

  1. Great post! I tend to write more emotional characters, but when I write those unemotional folks… you’re right. I can definitely lean toward the “zombie” person who really just doesn’t feel. On another note, I’ve heard a lot of good things about The Number of Love, so I’ll definitely be checking that one out from the library soon!

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    1. Thank you, Hannah!! Same, I write more emotional characters than otherwise 😆 Ahhh yes, you totally need to read it! ❤ I hope you love it!

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  2. Wow! 😃 I am bookmarking this for future reference. This will help TONS, because I always feel like I struggle with ‘unemotional’ characters.

    And it’s funny because there’s a well written, ‘unemotional’ character from the book series I’m reading right now, “Wheel of Time,” and this post made me see things about his character that make sense now. Awesome job Saraina!! 👏

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  3. Thank you for this post!! I’m considering tossing an “unemotional” charrie in my next book, so I am DEFINITELY using these tips. (more like shoving than tossing actually XD) And he’s like the hardest character for me to write XD

    (and YESSSS to #INFP 😊)

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  4. Great post! I especially like the explanation of how an emotional male, or unemotional female, in no way contradicts their inherent masculinity or femininity. Great insights and a very enjoyable read!

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  5. I really like this post! Especially since I’m a female INTJ, and an INTJ stereotype is “unemotional” and “robotic”. And while I’d love to see a realistic portrayal of an INTJ, many I see are either TOO emotional (bc they’re female) or robotic. So I really appreciate this post to clarify the need for balance! ❤️❤️ I could totally list some how-to-write-INTJs tips, if anyone ever finds themselves with such a character xP

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    1. I’m so glad you liked this post! ❤ Oooh, INTJs are SO cool! I totally agree! There was a post author Hope Ann once did about debunking INTJ myths, and it was so helpful in thinking of how to write INTJs. Y'all are definitely not emotionless robots 😅

      PLEASE DO! 🙏

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      1. ❤️❤️ Why thank you! XD Oooh I’ll have to check that out! I always enjoy seeing people helping people correctly write INTJs (even tho we usually end up as villain characters XD)

        Okay, I’ll do a couple off the top of my head (and obv these don’t apply to ALL INTJs, just my experience and what I’ve heard from others xP)
        A major one seems to be romance, especially for girls. Me and another female INTJ I know, have absolutely no desire for romance or that sort of relationship. We’re totally fine single xD In fact, even in stories, my friend writes no romance at all and I only do it sparingly. It’s also very hard for us to find romance in books/movies we actually like; most of the time it ruins the book or movie for me, though occasionally I find a romantic couple I enjoy.
        In my own writing, I have 5 INTJs (all male, I’ve never gotten a female one yet xP) and three of them never marry nor have any desire to do so. One of the two who do marry, marries in order to further his goal, not for any desire of marriage. So like, some INTJs DO marry and stuff, it’s just usually in my experience, we’re just as fine single and don’t have as strong as desires for romance as other types.
        A second one is that we’re super loyal. Once someone earns our loyalty, they have it for most instances. That doesn’t mean we’re going to agree with everything they say and do, and if we don’t, we will not hesitate to make that known if asked, but it’s not like we’re going to turn our backs on them bc they do something we don’t agree with. There is, however, an exception to this: if someone abuses our trust and/or keeps taking advantage and hurting us, we do something called the “door slam” which basically means we just kinda cut them off emotionally. We don’t feel angry or anything towards them, just apathetic and don’t care. And in my experience it’s very rare.
        A last thing that came to mind was INTJs in regards to authority/status quo stuff, we tend to not “do things the way they’re always done” just for that reason. There needs to be a logical reason, or maybe someone has come up with a better and more efficient way of doing things we’d rather do.
        It kinda goes with people too, for example if someone tells me “ooh this person is an expert in this area” I’m not going to immediately take their word for it and listen to this person, I’m going to research the expert out to see “are you really an expert” not just someone who randomly teaches a seminar and published a book on this subject with no actual experience in it. Kinda like with the loyalty thing, people gotta earn my respect and admiration by what they’ve done, not by a fancy title or something.

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        1. Wow, girl, that’s so interesting and helpful!! I just remembered that I have a female INTJ (at least I *think* she is…either that or ISTJ) and she doesn’t have much of a desire for romance, at least not for most of the story…which is weird to write. 🤣 (Of course, being me, I have to put her in a plot where she encounters romance, regardless of whether she wants it or not. XD) And I completely relate with that last point. I think INFPs and INTJs have that in common, their attitude toward authority and the status quo. 😏

          Thank you so much for sharing that, Kay!

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          1. Thanks! Yup, it’s definitely a unique sort of thing 😂 (I have SO MANY ISTJs idk where they all come from 😂) But that does sound like an INTJ! (Poor girl xP 😂)
            Ahhh awesome! I mean, why just do something because it’s always been done?? 😝😂

            Thank you for your post too! ❤️

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            1. (Ahh, you do? That’s so funny! This is actually my first time writing a IXTJ main character, so it’s been a fun challenge 😂)

              Exactly! 😜🤣

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  7. Ah! Brilliant! Ooh, I’ve gotta read those two! YES, yes, and yes! Even though I write, i can’t stand drama (Usually. I do love the difference in drama between the 2005 and BBC Pride and Prejudice movies) and I know that authors have it in them to be realistic, even in fairytales. There’s of course the moments when the usually “unemotional” character suddenly becomes zealous in his/her emotions, but usually..yeah. Great points! And you’re right about male and female roles! Gals can write in a guy’s point of view and vice versa; I should give them more credit. LOL. And thank you for putting the word “unemotional” in quotation marks. XD

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    1. I know, you *totally* need to read them! HAHA! Yeah, sometimes the drama can become a little…much. 🤣 Yes, I’m always so impressed by gals who can write convincingly in a guy’s point of view, and vice versa! Hehe, thou art welcome. 😛

      Thank you for your comment! ❤

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  8. Ahh, every part of this was GOLD, beautifully said!! All humans have emotions, even if they show them in a very subtle way or attempt to conceal them. ❤️ I love your explanations and tips here, very helpful for writers!

    Also, oooh I haven’t read those books you mentioned at the end. Hmm, been looking to have more romance books in my life, I’ll check them out! 🥰

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  10. I was loving this even before you gave me a shoutout. XD Unemotional characters are either a breeze for me or my torture all the way through the story, there’s no middle. XDDD Definitely bookmarking this one for future use!! And thank you so so much for the shoutout!! I really appreciate it, and am super excited that my post was able to help. 😀 ❤

    Post request: can you do one on writing INFPs/common mistakes writers make when writing an INFP please? I think my MC in ATOTB is INFP and I can't tell if she's good or not… XD

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    1. Hehehe, I’m so glad to hear that! Yeah, unemotional characters will do that to ya…. *sighs and shakes head* 🤣 Aww, of course! ❤ Thank you for writing that post!! 😉

      OOOH YES. That's a great idea!!! I'll definitely do a post on that! 😀

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      1. XD They’re tricksy, those ones. 😛

        Ooh how cool would it be to do a blog post with each type explaining the do’s and don’ts of writing their personality type??? Though I don’t think I know enough bloggers for that XDDD

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          1. Right?! Compare notes and things. XDDD

            Although I was also thinking it would be fun to do posts on answering Google’s top 10 questions on each type, done by the type themselves. Like the one I did with ENFJ. *can’t remember if you read that one but can send you a link if not*

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  11. Ahh, such a good post! I love it when characters’ emotions are conveyed subtly…I have this sort of horror of making my characters too emotional, so I’ve been making a point recently of trying to get my characters’ emotions across more subtly in general. (Whether I’ve been successful is another story, hehe.)

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    1. Aww, thank you so much! ❤ Me too! 🤣 I once read some writing advice that warned against letting your characters cry too often, and that made me paranoid of overly emotional characters. Then I realized that was unrealistic, cause emotional people exist! 🤣 Anyway. Hey, I'm sure you're doing great! It just takes practice! 😉 (*is saying that to myself too* 😜 )

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      1. That’s absolutely true – some people really aren’t as subtle with their emotions! The main point is to try to be realistic with characters, and sometimes that’ll mean being subtle and sometimes it won’t. Hehe, we can only hope ;P

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