How-To Series · Writing Tips

How-To Series: Writing Sweet AND Realistic Romance

Saraina Whitney

Hello! Today I’m sharing tips that I’ve learned the hard way for writing believable, heart-melting romance that your readers – and of course, yourself – will fall in love with. 🙂 And since I’m obsessed with music, read to the end to find the instrumental playlist I made last month that goes nicely with the theme of this post. Now, are you ready? Actually, you’ve probably been ready for a long time since I teased this post all the way back in February. Let’s get right into it, then, shall we?

Focus on the characters, not the romance.

It sounds counterintuitive. But a romance is literally made up of two individual characters. Their internal conflicts, their personalities, their misbeliefs, their backstories – they are what truly make the romance! Focus on developing the guy and girl and that’s all you need to create a romance that means something to you and your readers.

Think about each of your favorite ships (fictional romances, lol). Don’t you love them because of the characters – how their distinctive personalities fit together so perfectly like puzzle pieces? 

So if you find yourself getting stuck in that knot of figuring out the romance and failing capitally – like I’ve done many a time, take a step back and focus on the characters. 

There’s no need to make long calculations about exactly when the first declaration of love or whatever should happen – let the characters decide that for themselves based on the law of cause and effect. It will flow naturally this way.

Make them need each other for a reason.

Don’t let the plot force the characters together – let your characters bring each other together. There’s a cliche that I’ve seen done a few too many times where the boy and girl fall for each other just because THERE’S NO ONE ELSE AROUND TO FALL IN LOVE WITH. Do not do this. Delete, block, and report that idea.

Because it just doesn’t mean anything to anyone. 

Figure out the reason your characters need each other in their lives, and for bonus points, don’t let them realize that real reason until it’s almost too late. You know what I mean? There can absolutely be a surface reason that they’re clearly aware of all along, but let there be a reason that goes far deeper than that, one they’re not yet conscious of. Hint: root it in their internal conflict. 😉

And yes, there can be different reasons each for the guy and the girl – indeed, there will have to be if you’ve crafted two different people with different backstories and misbeliefs. However, I’ve found it’s best if they still overlap so that in a way, part of the reason is still mutual.

Compare and contrast them.

I believe this helps to build that elusive and mysterious “chemistry” that we’ve all heard about. Show the similarities and differences between your characters and how they clash and harmonize. Even if the similarities and differences are subtle, you can still capitalize them. (Keep in mind that as time goes by for your characters, it would be realistic for them to pick up on some of each other’s traits and mirror the other person in subtle ways.)

To make this easier, get out a piece of paper – and a mechanical pencil 😜 – and cross a line to make 2 sections. In those two columns, jot down their opposite traits. Be as specific as you can be (you can even write down the differences in their hand gestures and other body language) and make it as long as you want. Here’s an quick, short example:

OliverJess
Sarcastic humor style
Serious
Talks in a monotone
Uses lawyer terminology
Often makes abstract connections during conversations
Always says “evidently”		Sweet humor style
Playful
Talks expressively
Uses nurse terminology
Often brings up details in the environment
Always says “my, my”
Yeah, Oliver is supposed to be an INTJ and Jess an ISFJ haha… a bit stereotypical perhaps, but this is just a quick example. I must say, though, Myers-Briggs types can be SUCH a helpful guide for pinpointing the general differences XD But that’s another post for another day.

And then if you want, write down their similarities in another column. *rummages around to find an example from my characters* *finds that I only wrote down all their differences* Clearly, then, all you need to know are their differences.

I’m kind of kidding, but anyway, once you have that quick list on hand, it will be easier to find the unique chemistry between them that you’ve been looking for.

If you’re still having trouble and the dialogue/interactions between them end up flat and stale and unspeakably boring, here’s a prescription for that: go outside for a walk or bike ride, take a deep breath, get into character, and speak the dialogue OUT LOUD. Act it out. Just have the characters say and do whatever comes first to your mind. Relax and ignore the nagging thought that it must be flawless. Just do it for fun.

I guarantee you’ll find at least the seeds of the flow you’ve been looking for, and the chemistry will start to unlock between them. Or lock between them? Weird metaphor I came up with there… whatever. Anyway, if you’re still stuck, maybe you need to take a break from the story to come back with fresh eyes, as they say. I have one last reminder for you before we end:

“Show, don’t tell” applies to romance too.

Show them falling for each other. Show them feeling confused and awkward. Show them loving – or initially hating – one another. Show them struggling against the mental blocks that are in the way of having a happily ever after. Your readers will thank you.

*insert sounds of a crowd saying “AWW!”*

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I hope you were able to get something out of this! Again, these are all things I’ve learned by trial and error, so I myself need to keep in mind these lessons I’ve learned! Now please, I’d love to know…

What are your tips for creating realistic romances? Is there a common piece of advice for writing romance that you think is awful, no good, extremely unhelpful, etc.? (If so, WHAT IS IT?) Have you ever found yourself forcing your characters together? Do you know the reason why your characters will fall in love? How on this green earth should writers go about creating chemistry between our characters? Is it an overrated concept?

Spill all your answers in the comments if you are so inclined! Also, stay tuned for an interesting post about something I’ll need your help on. It may or may not be related to a certain celebration of sorts, which may or may not be related to a certain number of followers. *squeals* 😀 😉

37 thoughts on “How-To Series: Writing Sweet AND Realistic Romance”

        1. (Lol. XD) Good to hear! Oo, that’s exciting!! I hope that will go very well 🙂 I’m in the process of editing the story story, which has been surprisingly challenging AND surprisingly fun, lol, especially the line edits. Do you enjoy editing?

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          1. Thanks! *fingers-crossed it does* lol.
            I like the first few rounds of editing, then eventually my excitement wanes after the ‘umphteenth’ time. Then it’s a matter of willpower XD.

            Ooo, can I ask which story you’re editing (is it your historical fiction one you were telling me about earlier?)

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            1. Ah yes, that makes a lot of sense! True! Lol I’ve only been editing for a few days, so I’m still excited about it, but it really is a matter of willpower after those first few rounds, as you said. XD

              Oh sure! *whispers secretively* It’s actually the story for the Tell Me You Love Me Anthology contest!

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  2. Great tips! Though I’m not a romance writer, these are certainly things I’d love to see in the romantic subplots I read about. Awesome article, Saraina – keep ’em coming! 😉

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  4. Very good tips! I’m not an author, but I still really appreciate it! I’ll be looking for good romance in movies and books.
    And of those songs, I love Across the Stars by that Patrick guy and Feast of Starlight by Howard Shore. Great compilation! 🙂

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    1. Thank you very much!! Yes girl, SAME, I’m always looking for good examples of romance in movies and books. *winks* Ooo yes I love those two songs so much!!! 😀

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  5. Ooh, yes, I’ll need to come back to this when…*ahem* I actually get to writing romance…Maybe…LOL!! Thanks for this post!!

    And girl, that is one long playlist…LOL!!

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      1. There is no maybe–I already have been working on it…LOL!

        Same, girl!! But I’m picky…XDXD Do you also listen to classical/instrumental music to set the mood or just songs with lyrics?

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        1. Yay!!! That’s awesome. 😀

          Lol, I get… XD Mainly just instrumental music (usually movie soundtracks), but sometimes I do listen to lyrical. What about you?

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  7. Oh, perfect timing! I’m trying to write romance, subtle romance, between Daniel and Ava Mae…and man it’s hard! I love these tips! And I’m definitely going to be using some of them, if not all of them! Thank you! Awesome, awesome post!

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    1. *grins* Ohhh that’s awesome Kayti!!! I hope that goes great!! (It’s in Rivals of Skyline, right?) I get you, it really can be so hard! Thank YOU, my friend!!! 😀 ❤

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      1. Me too…lol…(*GRINS* Yes, it’s Rivals of Skyline…so hard because the first half of the book they don’t know each other…because of, well, circumstances…makes the romance hard…)

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        1. (Eeee!!! Ack, yes I can see how that would make things more challenging! So is the main problem figuring out how to get them together/fall in love in a realistic timeframe since they don’t meet during the first half of the book?)

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          1. (More of fall in love…I got the two together but Daniel’s so prickly and bitter he makes everything difficult…lol…I’m off work for the next four days so I’m gonna try and get the two of them sorted out…Ava Mae is a dear with trust issues so now it’s just getting the two of them to fall in love…but of course, Daniel’s gotta have his redemption arch too…I better get busy…haha…)

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            1. (Ohhh I see!! Lol, poor characters… oh that’s awesome that you’ll have time these upcoming days to work on them!! You’ll get this sorted out, I’m sure of it. 😉 XD By the way, I love the name Ava Mae… so pretty!!)

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    1. Thank you very much! YES, same… poorly written romance is the worst, so I’m only a fan when it’s done well. XD Aww, thank YOU for reading, Kristianne!!! 😀

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  10. Girl, thank you so much for the tips!! My current WIP totally needed this! And I didn’t know you had a newsletter, which is so cool, so I just signed up! (I’m excited for the sneak peeks I’m going to be getting. XD) To answer one of your bolded questions above, I have, in fact, tried to force my characters together. And turns out, as I was writing one of those characters, I found that they started to love a different character than the one I had originally planned for them to fall in love with. XD *sigh* #gonnahavetochangetheplot

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    1. Ahhh you are so welcome, Alexa!!!! 😀 I’m thrilled this came at the right time for you! ❤ (Yayy – I still haven't sent the April one so hopefully you'll be getting that soon! XD)

      No way!!! That's amazing. Lol, characters have a SUCH mind of their own sometimes! *sigh* #iknowthefeeling 😉

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  11. These tips were spot on!!! Thank you so much for this post! I’ve been struggling for a while now on how to write realistic romance and finding any information on how to. I love this post though, it was super helpful!! Do you have any tips on writing good enemy-to-lovers? That’s what I’m currently trying to do but kind of struggling. XD Thanks again for this amazing post!!

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    1. Thank you!!! You’re so welcome – I’m so glad it was helpful and came at the right time!!! 😉 Mmm, I think most of my favorite romances are enemy-to-lovers. *grins* That’s SO awesome you’re writing one!!! My main tip (besides making sure to establish a real reason for their hate) would just be to use the law of cause and effect (or an action causing a reaction, and so on) to keep the relationship progressing naturally. Just make sure that it doesn’t jump straight from hate to love – or even “like” – without the in-between awkwardness, and showing the reasons behind why the two characters are softening towards each other. 😀 Hope that helped a bit! I believe you’re gonna NAIL it, girl! 😉 (And I hope I will get to read your story someday!!!)

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